7 Parenting Tips: To Help Your Kids Behave Most of the Time!

Just the other day, I was shopping in our local health food store with three of my kids.  It happens to be our favorite store, not only because they sell great quality food, but also because they have two cute little kid-sized shopping carts for kids to use.   My kids can’t wait to shop there every week, since they get to use the carts to help mommy.    

On this particular day, one of the employees spotted me and stopped over and told me how “impressed” the staff was with me and my children for, basically, behaving in the store with the carts.  I was taken aback, because I thought, “Well, of course they are going to behave.  I wouldn’t let them use the carts if they weren’t behaving!” 

However, the employee went on to tell me how another mother was in the store just the day before with her three children of similar ages and they were not behaving so well.  In fact, the carts had to be removed from the shopping area. 

The sad part about this story is that it is NOT the only time I’ve been approached by an employee at this very same store with a similar conversation.     I do not know what the other mother’s story was, nor will I even try to guess.  For all I know, she was having a stressful day and the employee at the store just happened to catch her at her worst.  Who knows?  Haven’t we all had those off days?  We are all human, including yours truly.

Parenting Techniques

I am not telling you this story to brag about my kids.  On the contrary, my kids really are not that good all of the time either.  I should know!  They are children, after all.  But this instance got me thinking.  What techniques can parents use to ensure that their children behave MOST of the time?  Here are my top 7 parenting tips.

1. Keep Kids Involved

I am a Montessori mama, so I am always looking for things that my children can do to “help”.  If you stop and think just a little, there are dozens of ways that kids can “help” mommy and daddy.  And this involvement makes them feel important and keeps them busy!  And when kids are focused and busy, they are less likely to misbehave. 

What Can I Have My Children Do?

Kids as little as 2 years old can help with doing family chores around the house.  My 2 year old folds wash rags and hand towels, “sweeps” our floor and can even butter toast (although she is much better at buttering her tongue!).  She also dresses herself and can put her own shoes on to go outside and help daddy in the yard. 

My 3½ year old can fold her own laundry and put it all away on her own. She is a fantastic sweeper and can straighten up toys in our playroom, even when not asked!  

My 6 and 7½ year olds help with the dishes.  They can wash dishes by hand or load and unload a dishwasher.  They also calculate our grocery bill as we shop and are generally too busy learning the value of money to misbehave!    

But it doesn’t stop there.  Many of my kids help me cook in the kitchen and help their dad with various woodworking projects.  They help garden, wash the car and care for our animals.

Keep Your Eye On The Goal

The point is, the more kids are involved, the more time you are spending with them and the better they will behave toward you and probably other people.  It helps keep them out of trouble, but also teaches them good communication skills and trains them for future tasks they will inevitably have later in life.  There is so much to be said for quality time and taking advantage of teachable moments.  After all, parents are their child’s first teacher! 

It should also be noted that as children get better at completing their tasks, you can really let them own those tasks. This means you can spend your precious time doing other meaningful things! 

The Wellness Mama has a great post about this very issue called “My Parenting Rule to Foster Independence (& Save My Sanity).”  I highly recommend reading this, if you need additional help delegating tasks to your children. Also, here is a sample chore chart for you to use with your child to get them more involved in your home.

2. Say What You Mean, Mean What You Say

Perhaps the single best parenting advice I’ve ever gotten was from my mom.  As I write, I can hear her saying, “Say what you mean and mean what you say!”  I humbly admit that when it comes to raising kids, these are words to live by. 

If you say to your child that there will be a consequence if they do NOT perform a certain task, then there MUST be a consequence for not performing that task.  If there isn’t, then you have just lost your credibility as an authoritative figure and the chances of the child ignoring you in the future increase.

Example

For example, “Johnny, please put away your clothes.  If you do not put away your clothes in the next 15 minutes, then you will not be watching your favorite TV show this afternoon.”

Sure, whining might ensue, if you have followed through with what you said.  However, the next time Johnny wants to watch TV, he’ll be more likely to put his clothes away when you ask, since he didn’t get to do any TV watching the last time he ignored you.  Bummer!     

If you did NOT follow through with what you said, and it takes Johnny an hour to put away his clothes or he doesn’t put his clothes away at all, then he’ll think to himself, “Well, Mom let me watch TV anyway, so why should I listen to her?”  And each time you give an empty threat and the child continues to be rewarded, their behavior toward you will worsen.

How Can You Change This?

The only way to regain and maintain credibility as an authoritative figure with your child is to choose your words wisely.  Do NOT say things that you do not intend to act on.  Rather, say things that you know that you CAN do and WILL do, in the event that they misbehave.

I use this technique with my children daily.  In fact, I’ve used it in the very store that sparked me to write this post.  My children have misbehaved with those very same carts in the past.  They ran up and down the aisle in the middle of the store, racing back and forth with the carts.  That happened once.  I removed the carts from them and told them if they ever embarrassed me like that again, they wouldn’t be coming shopping with me again.  And that was that.

3. Limit Screen Time

This is one that we hear all of the time.  We all know that we should limit the amount of time our kids are in front of a screen.  But how many of us enforce it? 

A 2015 British study found that children aged five to 16 spent an average of six and a half hours a day in front of a digital screen, including watching TV, playing games and using tablets, computers and phones. 

This is more than double an increase in screen time over a 20 year period, where in 1995, the average screen time was only three hours.  You can only imagine how much screen time has increased since 2015.

All of this screen time is often at the expense of having unstructured play outside or communicating face to face with other friends and family members.  We have to remember that the brains of our children are still developing, even throughout the teenage years.  And we have to ask ourselves, what is all of this technology teaching my child and at what expense?

What Are The Daily Recommendations?

The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) suggests that children between the ages of two and five should get no more than one hour of screen time per day.  For older children and teens, they caution against too much screen time, but do not give a specific time limit.

This vague directive from the AAP gives the impression that monitoring older children and teens is less important.  However, these older kids may be even more vulnerable to excessive screen time. 

A 2016 survey, conducted by the U.S. Census Bureau, surveyed the well-being of children up to age 17 on 19 different measures.  It found that children who spent more than one hour a day on a screen of any kind:

• had difficulty making friends,
• were more easily distracted,
• had difficulty managing their anger,
• were twice as likely to have been diagnosed with anxiety or depression and
• had difficulty finishing tasks.

In fact, the study found that excessive screen time had a stronger effect on lowering the well-being of teens, than it did on younger kids, since teens use screen time to use social media, play electronic games and use smartphones.

Many sources suggest that screen time should be limited to two hours per day for ALL children and teens, with flexibility for special circumstances.  Two hours a day allows for children to benefit from screen time, such as watching an educational video, interacting with friends and keeping in touch with family. 

It is thought that two hours should be enough time, without interfering with other important activities that support their well-being, such as sleep, face-to-face interaction, being outside and getting exercise.  It is certainly worth implementing, not only if you are having trouble connecting with your child, but just to increase their well-being!

4. Maximize Outside Time & Exercise

I admit, I kick my kids out of the house all of the time!  Especially, when the weather outside is nice.  And in Colorado, we get a lot of nice weather! 

When they start rough housing…go outside!  When their screen time is up…go outside!  When they are whining about being hungry right before dinner is done…go outside!  See, it’s easy! 

Now, we are fortunate to have a great fenced in backyard space.  I understand that not all families have a good sized backyard.  Heck, some families might not even have a backyard, such as in an apartment complex.  But the more outside time that you can arrange for your child, the better.  This is not just because they are getting out of your hair, but also because of the health benefits of being outside in the fresh air.

Benefits of Being Outside

Being outside and getting enough exercise is so important for everyone, really.  But it is especially important for us parents to teach our kids to put down the electronics and actually go outside and breathe in the fresh air. 

Without proper air circulation, the chemicals in your home build up, causing poor air quality.  This kind of stale and polluted air can cause a whole host of health problems, including:

• colds
• sinus infections
• headaches
• upper respiratory congestion
• drowsiness

One study even suggested that an increase in carbon dioxide in the home can lead to poor concentration.

Getting outside and getting fresh oxygen can relieve many of these symptoms, as well as make you feel more energized.  It improves your well-being in the following ways:

• It increases your oxygen levels, which may help your digestive system work more effectively.
• It improves your blood pressure and heart rate.
• It makes you happier, by increasing your serotonin levels.
• It strengthens your immune system by improving white blood cell function, which fights bad bacteria and germs, as well as helps your body produce vitamin D from the sun.
• It cleanses your lungs, allowing your body to release airborne toxins. 
• Increased oxygen to the brain improves concentration skills and provides you with more energy.  

Send Them Outside!

Sadly, it is estimated that the average American child spends only 4 to 7 minutes a day in unstructured play outdoors and 7 or more hours in front of a screen! 

Kids need to run, jump and play.  They have so much energy, if you could bottle it up and sell it, you’d be a billionaire!  But unfortunately, we can’t do that.  We can, however, give our children the gift of using that energy in a healthy way. 

It’s convenient to try to settle our children down and put them in front of a screen to get them focused and calmed.  But are we really just creating an addiction?

It is so much healthier for children to get exercise in fresh air, physically, cognitively, socially and emotionally.  They learn how to share, take turns, communicate, increase attention spans and develop positive behavior skills.  If your children are learning these skills, and getting the health benefits of being outside, you will have a MUCH better behaved child on your hands.

5. Encourage Sleep!

Everyone knows that we all need a good night sleep.  However, for children, this is imperative!  Many of our children’s behavior problems can be attributed to just being overtired.  Signs that your child may be overtired include:

• Attention disorders
• Emotional control issues
• Problems reasoning
• Problem-solving difficulties
• Poor executive function & behavior (brain’s ability to process incoming information and respond to that information)

Sleep Recommendations

The National Sleep Foundation (NSF) recommends that children get the following ranges of sleep:

Age	Hours of Sleep Needed
3 – 5 years	10-13 hours
6 – 13 years	9-11 hours
14 -17 years	8-10 hours

How To Help Kids Get More Sleep

A study that followed children from birth to age 7 found that children who slept less than 10 hours each night had lower test scores than those that slept longer.  

In order to help children sleep better, it is recommended that all screens be removed from kid’s bedrooms, big or small, since push notifications could keep children up throughout the night.

It is also recommended that parents remain consistent with bed times and do not allow children to stay up late on the weekends.  There has been a lot of research linking the quality and schedule of regularity in sleep to cognitive, emotional and health outcomes. 

Benefits of Getting Proper Sleep

When kids get enough sleep, they:

• Lower their risk of becoming overweight or obese
• Have fewer learning problem
• Lower their risk of developing diabetes
• Have fewer attention disorders

With parents working long hours, kids having after-school activities and bedrooms being full of electronics, it gets more and more difficult for everyone to get a good night sleep.  Kids are sleeping less today than ever before and their health is suffering.  It is imperative that children get a good night sleep for the following reasons:

• Deep sleep promotes growth hormones to be secreted.
• Optimal sleep lowers children’s risk of diabetes, obesity and heart disease.
• Not getting enough sleep can cause your body to make too little of the hormone leptin, our satiety hormone, which may cause obesity.       
• Optimal sleep helps our bodies produce the proteins called cytokines needed to fight infections, illnesses and stress.
• Proper amounts of sleep cause children to be more alert and are less likely to be clumsy, impulsive and prone to having accidents.
• Sleep deprivation is more likely to cause hyperactivity and impulsivity problems in children, including ADHD. 
• Sleep aids learning in children of all ages.

Basically, when our children get a good night sleep, they are all around healthier!  And when they are healthier, they are happier and better behaved!

6. Keep A Routine

Routines are so important and they let your children know what is important to your family.  They are how families organize themselves to get things done, spend time together and have fun.  Routines also give kids a sense of security and help them develop self-discipline, while building a sense of belonging and togetherness in your family.

Routines help family members know who should do what, when, in what order and how often.  Family life is generally smoother when there is a routine to follow and everyone pitches in to help with chores.

Benefits of Keeping A Routine

The structure of a predictable routine:

1. May eliminate power struggles, as parents maintain consistency in their expectations.  (i.e. These routine activities are just what we do at this time of day in our house.)
2. Reduces stress and anxiety and promotes a feeling of safety and belonging.  Everyone knows what to expect and kids feel safe, secure and looked after. 
3. Allows children to learn skills and develop a sense of mastery in handling their lives, allowing them to handle larger changes in the future.  It allows them to feel competent and independent and to be in charge of themselves, leaving them less inclined to rebel. 
4. Teaches kids how to constructively manage themselves and their environments.  This helps them learn to be responsible, take charge of their own activities and to get used to having chores.
5. Teaches kids to “look forward” to doing things they enjoy. 
6. Helps kids keep a schedule, which may help them fall asleep easier at night and wake easier in the morning.
7. Helps parents strengthen relationships with their children, by focusing on spending time together as part of their daily routine. (i.e. reading stores, giving baths, or giving hugs first thing in the morning.)
8. Can be used as a way to teach children healthy habits, such as brushing their teeth, washing their hands and exercising, to name a few.
9. Is useful for establishing boundaries and guidelines for the whole family. 
10. Improves the efficiency of the family as a whole.

Lists Help Everyone!

Following are a few checklists that I created to help our family keep a routine around our house.  Hopefully they help you with implementing a routine around your house, too! 

7. Promote A Healthy Diet

In the world we live in today, it is often difficult to identify what is healthy and what is not.  There are so many hidden sugars in foods and misinformation about what a healthy diet looks like, it leaves many parents flying by the seat of their pants!   

Sadly, some of these poor dietary choices may be the cause of poor behavior in your child.  Namely, too much sugar and refined carbohydrates and not enough good fats.  Often times, sugar is replaced in foods where fat used to be in order to make them taste good.  This is so unfortunate, because it would be healthier to just eat the fat!  And kids LOVE fat! 

Benefits of Eating More Fat

There is a physiological reason that kids love fat.  It’s because they developmentally NEED it.  Our bodies do not need sugar to properly function.  They add zero nutrients to food and only add empty calories and raise insulin levels, causing weight gain.  Our bodies do, however, need fat in order to function properly.

“Fats make up 60% of the brain and the nerves that run every system in the body.  The better the fat in the diet, the better the brain will function.”

– William Sears, M.D. 

Fat is needed to:

• Help the body feel full, preventing you from overeating,
• Fuel the body,
• Help the body absorb fat-soluble vitamins, such as A, D, E and K,
• Develop neurological and brain functions,
• Build hormones in the body,
• Insulate the body and
• Help kids bodies grow as they were intended.

Conversely, long-term deprivation of fatty acids results in decreased visual and neurological function of children.

Dangers of Eating Processed Foods

Consuming too much refined, or processed, sugar and carbohydrates, artificial sweeteners or artificial food colorings can have negative effects on your child’s behavior.  They enter the bloodstream quickly, causing rapid spikes in blood sugar levels.  This may cause your child to:    

1. Be more hyperactive,
2. Have a shorter attention span,   
3. Be easily distracted,
4. Have poor mental health and impact cognition,
5. Lack essential sleep,
6. Have poor physical health, including weight gain, diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, heart disease, and dental decay, just to name a few,
7. Lack essential nutrients, such as calcium, Vitamin A, Iron, Zinc and Fiber. 
8. Have a poor mood that may lead to bullying.

According to the Harvard Health Blog, studies show that people who eat “clean” or “whole” meal plans high in vegetables, fruits, unprocessed grains, and lean meats, are more likely to experience better emotional health.  Research also shows that protein promotes alertness in the brain, whereas carbohydrates, artificial colors and artificial flavors do the opposite. 

If you want your children to behave properly and have their brains perform optimally, avoid feeding them these processed foods. Instead, it is recommended that children eat a diet high in healthy fats, proteins, fresh fruits and vegetables and as much unprocessed food as possible.  The protein will help keep blood sugar levels steady and allow the body to make brain-awakening neurotransmitters.

How Much Sugar Should We Eat?

According to the USDA Economic Research Service, the average child under 12 consumes 49 pounds of sugar each year.  The more sugar children eat, the more they prefer it over “real” food, causing a state of malnutrition, where they eat too many calories and not enough nutrients.   

This is really an alarming amount of sugar considering that our ancestors only ate about 20 teaspoons (80g) of sugar A YEAR, in the form of fruit when it was in season.  If our children are consuming 49 pounds of sugar a year, that is a 27,808% increase in sugar intake!

“It takes forty thousand to seventy thousand years for any significant change to take place in the genome that might allow us to adapt to a drastic change in our diet…Our forebears could not have had any meaningful exposure to carbohydrates, except perhaps in the late summer when fruit ripened…this type of carbohydrate would have tended to increase fat creation and deposition so we could get through the winter when food and calories were less available.”

– Dr. David Perlmutter, M.D.

If our bodies have not biologically changed much from our ancestors in the past 40,000 to 70,000 years, then it is no wonder that the exponential consumption of sugar has caused such havoc on our bodies and the bodies of our children.   

Consider that l level teaspoon holds 4 grams of sugar.  Now consider the fact that a medium-sized banana has about 20 grams of sugar in it (approximately 5 teaspoons).  That means that our ancestors would have only had an equivalent of about 4 bananas A YEAR!  How many of our children have had a banana (or two) every day?

What Do The Guidelines Say?

The USDA recommends the following guidelines for sugar intake:

• Children less than 3 years old should not be exposed to any added sugars.  They should only receive sugar in the form of fresh fruit and dairy products.
• Children ages 3-10 should be limited to no more than 3-4 teaspoons (12g-16g) of added sugar daily.
• Pre-teens and teens should be limited to no more than 5-8 teaspoons (20g-32g) of added sugar daily.

However, this may even be too much, considering the fact that this is more than half of our ancestors’ allowance for a year in just one day.

How Can Sugar Be Avoided

Avoiding sugar today can be very tricky.  Not only because it is often hidden from the consumer, but also because many of us have become so addicted to it.  It may require a weening process to reduce sugar consumption over time.  However, if you make small changes, eventually sugar consumption will have drastically decreased, causing your child to be healthier, happier and better-behaved! 

Following are a few changes that can be made to your child’s diet:

Avoid These Foods	Eat These Foods Instead
Canned or Packaged fruit – Processing kills good vitamins and minerals and includes added sugar.	Real Whole Fresh or Frozen Fruit – Includes more fiber, vitamins and minerals and less sugar.
Flavored Skim Milk – These are highly sweetened beverages made with powdered skim milk, which is a by-product of the dairy industries production of butter and cream.  Since all of the fat has been removed, sugar is added to make it taste good.	Plain Whole Milk – The fat in this drink not only makes it taste better, but it is more filling.  You can make your own flavored milk at home, using natural sweeteners and organic cacao, as an occasional treat.
Sugary Beverages (including fruit juices, fruit punch, soda and sports drinks) – These drinks contain 6-10 teaspoons of sugar per 12 oz. serving.	Water or Kombucha – Not only does water provide needed minerals and hydration, but it also flushes the body of toxins. You can flavor the water with fresh fruit or a splash of lemon juice. And, although Kombucha still contains some sugar content, it is full of beneficial bacteria that is good for the gut.
Low-Fat or Fat-Free Yogurt – These dairy products are loaded with sugar (~ 32g in 1 cup) to replace the fat.	Whole Milk Plain Yogurt – Mix in fresh fruit, low-sugar jam or raisins for added flavor.
Cereal – 1 cup of Frosted Flakes contains 14g of sugar.	Eggs – There are 4g of fat and 6g of protein in each egg.  Make a batch of scrambled eggs ahead of time and just reheat them in the morning for a fast breakfast.
Fruit Snacks or Leather – 1 pouch contains upwards of 10g of sugar, with zero fat or protein.  Even though “fruit” may be in the name, there may not even be any fruit in the product! In addition, they are generally packed with artificial colors, artificial flavors and partially hydrogenated vegetable oils.	String Cheese – There are 6g of fat and 7g of protein in each stick.
Granola Bars – Even organic granola bars contain lots of sugar (upwards from 10g of sugar per bar).   Look for bars low in sugar.	Mixed Nuts – Each ounce provides 14g of fat, 5g of protein and 2g of fiber.

Make sure to ALWAYS look at the packing.  Even if a package has “fruit”, “organic”, “gluten-free” or “natural” in the name, it does not mean it is healthy.  The only way you can determine if it is healthy is by reading the ingredients label.  Avoid foods that say they are low-fat or fat-free.  This is code for good fats have been taken out and bad sugar has been added in!

I truly hope these tips help you parent a better-behaved child.  Parenting is difficult, as it is.  And anything we can do to make our lives easier and their lives more fulfilling, the better off we will all be!  So, happy parenting and good luck!

How do you ensure your children are well-behaved?  Please share!  I’d really love to know.