I was listening in on a conversation one day about when it is appropriate for a parent to allow their child to curse. I was so intrigued because I have 4 children between the ages of 2 and 7. Although this is not an issue currently, it’s bound to come up in the years to ahead. A lot! So I listened on.
So, when is it appropriate for your children to be allowed to curse? This is obviously a parental choice and there is never going to be a right or wrong answer. But it is always good to think about these things and know how you will react when the time comes. Here are some ideas I gleamed from the conversation I listened in on.
1. Never
Of course, some people would immediately respond, NEVER! But is this really a realistic answer? Maybe, if we lived in utopia. But in reality, our children are going to hear people cursing all around them at some point. Other kids at school may be doing it. The person passing you in the store or in the parking lot may do it, despite the children present! Or, maybe you have that obnoxious friend or family member that has no filter. You know, they’re out there. You love them, but geez!
But maybe you feel very strongly about this and stress to your children that cursing is bad and to never do it. That is clearly your right as a parent. I respect that. Although, please be aware that your children may still be doing this when you are not around. Just sayin’!
2. Keep it to yourself
Maybe a more logical answer would be to follow advice from the experts. In Jim Fay and Charles Fay, PhD’s book, Love and Logic Magic: When Kids Leave You Speechless, they stress that you not allow your child’s words to gain shock value. It’s tough to think of hearing your little one spout a choice 4-letter word and not gasp! Some parents might be tempted to wash their child’s mouth out with soap. (Anyone just get an image of Ralphie in the Christmas Story?!)
But, it’s true. If you overreact, they will know exactly how angry and upset it makes us and this may prompt them to do it more. They’ve learned of yet another button to press! So, what’s a parent to do?
Their advice? Tell them, “That’s a great way of expressing your feelings, sweetie. But, please use those words only when nobody else can hear it.” I love it! I’ve also heard, “Please keep that filthy language to yourself. If you choose to use that language, please don’t say it around me.”
But what if they don’t respect your wishes and insist on cursing in front you? Their advice is to fall back on the energy drain principle. “Swearing drains energy from the family, but there’s nothing like your kids cleaning the toilets or staying home from the amusement park to charge it up!” It would certainly recharge my energy to not clean a toilet or go to a crowded amusement park!
3. Old enough to use the words correctly
You could allow your children to curse when they are old enough to know what it means and he or she uses the word correctly. I don’t know what age this is, but it could be pretty young. Kids are real smart!
Junior could hear one of his friends playing on the playground swearing it up. Maybe the friend’s parents swear at home or maybe the friend heard those words from an older sibling. Junior comes home from school and uses the word just fine at the ripe young age of 6. Maybe that’s too young. Maybe it’s not too young if cursing isn’t a problem in your family, so long as it’s used in the right context. I don’t know!
4. Only at home
I heard one parent say that their children were allowed to curse, but only at home. They are not allowed to curse in public or when elders are present.
This may be alright, again, if cursing is not a problem in your home. However, it could become a problem if your children become forgetful, as you know they will. It might only be a matter of time before they let a choice word slip in front of the teacher or a grandparent. That wouldn’t be a good thing.
5. Be Respectful
How about this one? Your child is allowed to curse, but only if they are respectful. Hmm. Is there a way to curse and be respectful? I suppose if you only use it to express an emotion and do not swear at a person.
That means, the child would not be allowed to call her sister a b*&%h. But she could say, “I hate this d&%m game. It makes me so angry when I get this card.”
I could be alright with this one. But again, it might only be a matter of time before they let a choice word slip in front of the teacher or a grandparent.
6. Pay for it
I think this is my favorite of all of them. Your child can curse at or in something if they pay for it. I think this is reasonable.
When they buy or rent their first place, they can curse in it all they want. They’re paying for it! That would also apply to their car, if they pay for it. It would also apply to mom and dad. “We pay for this house, not you, buddy!”
What if they buy their own Legos or computer games with their own money they earned from cutting the neighbors grass? They would then be allowed to curse at THOSE Legos or at THAT computer game if they are not happy, I suppose.
Maybe one of these solutions resonates with you as a parent. Or maybe the answer for you is when your child starts high school. Or maybe it’s when they turn 18 or 21. I think that whichever parent you are, it’s always good to lead by example. Because remember, our children are always watching us.
I’m not sure which of these responses I’ll have when my children spout their first 4 or 5-letter word. But I will be thinking about it and hopefully my husband and I will be prepared. Whatever we choose, it will be the right choice for our family.
Which parent are you? Do you let your children curse at home? What are your family rules? Please share below. Please! I’d really love to know.
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