If you have children, you know how hard it is to get them to do just about anything. I often say that trying to get my kids to leave the house is like herding cats! They clearly have their own agenda.
Sure, you can yell at your kids to get them to comply. And it may even work on some occasions. However, as a parent, I can’t help thinking that at some point, this could backfire on us.
I recently found myself yelling at my four kids an awful lot. (Talk about herding cats!) But I had to take a step back. They were starting to tune me out, chores weren’t getting done, I was exhausted from picking up their slack and I was completely unhappy and irritable all the time.
This is a terrible place to be as a parent. Not only do I want to be listened to, I also want my kids to know they can come and talk to me about anything. And the last thing I want is for my kids to someday resent me for yelling at them all the time.
After taking a hard look at myself and the situation, I took some words to heart by Dale Carnegie in his book “How to Win Friends & Influence People.” He said,
“There is only one way… to get anybody to do anything. And that is by making the other person want to do it.”
– Dale Carnegie
And you know, it’s true! I know myself that it’s difficult to get me to do anything I don’t want to do. Our children are no different.
But how on Earth do you get them to want to listen to you?
Well, by giving them a means of getting what they want.
Bucket Filling Concept
Many moons ago we read the book, Bucket Filling from A to Z: The Key to Being Happy, by Carol McCloud and Caryn Butzke. However, after giving it another read, it dawned on me that this idea of bucket filling might be a great way to give my kids incentive to be good and help out more around our home.
If you haven’t read the book, the idea is that we each have an invisible bucket, if you will, that can be filled by making other people happy. These things may include asking if you can lend a helping hand, cheering up someone who is sad or sick, and volunteering to clean your room or doing chores, just to name a few.
I loved the idea of bucket filling and decided, why not have the kids actually fill their “buckets”? This way, they could visually see some of the good deeds they have done. In addition, these good deeds could be exchanged for things that they want to do. It seemed like the perfect win-win situation for all of us.
After discussing this with the kids (and the husband, of course), everyone was on board with this new system, if not really excited! My kids actually couldn’t wait to starting filling their buckets!
How It Works
We took a look around our house to see what we already had on hand and found we had different colored gemstones and small buckets from Party City that we weren’t using at the moment. But you can really use anything you have on hand or can find cheaply at the store. Our “gemstones” happen to be old gems I used to use for flower vases!
After that, we got down to business. (Eh-Em!) We agreed on the terms to our new bucket filling contract.
First, we strategically determined how the kids could earn gemstones. They really got excited when different colored gemstones were discussed! We agreed on the following:
- Pink Hearts: For being kind and considerate
- Red Gemstones: For doing what you are asked
- Golden Nuggets: For going above and beyond
- Green Gemstones: For doing assigned chores
- Blue Gemstones: For timely completing school work
- Purple Gemstones: For lending a helping hand
- Clear Gemstones: For being brave and courageous
Then, our kiddos told us what they wanted in return. Mom and Dad determined what each reward was worth and the contract was sealed! Here are some of the rewards we agreed on. (Note that we assigned the same value to all gemstones.)
- 1 Gemstone: Exchange for $1
- 3 Gemstones: Exchange for a 30 minute TV show, 30 minutes of water play, 30 minutes of marker use, 30 minutes of remote control car time
- 6 Gemstones: Exchange for 1 hour computer/tablet time, Lego time, jewelry making, sewing, fort building, or nerf gun time
- 10 Gemstones: Exchange for 1 hour of painting or play-dough time,
- 12 Gemstones: Exchange for a 2 hour movie
- 15 Gemstones: Exchange for 1 hour of makeup or nail painting time
Now, our children are between 4 and 9 years of age, so the rewards you choose may be completely different than ours! But this is what our kids told us they were interested in. If you are interested in using our rules, feel free to print out this free printable!
If you are considering implementing this system in your home, I suggest that you sit down with your child (or children) and discuss what it is that they really like to do. Every great contract starts with a negotiation! Also, your child (or children) are more likely to stick with the system, if they have a say in how it is run. Here is a template you can use to develop your own system.
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